Am I worthy of your friendship?

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to keep the friends that I have in my life...I try to please the ones that are sensitive..I have to always watch what I say or do, afraid that I will offend them..I'm not trying to hurt anyone but apparently I end up in the dog house...I'm not perfect by any means, but why do I feel like I have to be..? 
Is it fair to me that I'm the one who has to watch it? Is it fair that I have to beat myself up every time someone gets offended by a certain word or action I do? Why can't we accept one another for who we are? Am I not accepting these friends who are more sensitive than others? Maybe I am.. I get to the point that I'm apologizing for my actions all the time. But why don't they apologize to me for anything? Is it wrong of me to treasure my friendships? Why am I so afraid to be alone? Why can't I just rely on my family and husband.? Friends have always meant the world to me, but do I mean the world to them? Do I stand in that category? Do they think of me this way? I really don't think anyone has ever felt that way about me? Why do I rely on friends so much? These are questions that have been with me my entire life... I can't seem to let things just pass..I linger on the hurt feelings I have caused.. I wonder if they can't stand me anymore and their life would be better if I wasn't in it...Am I the wrong person to hang out with?


As you can see I've done something that hurt someone's feelings..It wasn't a personal thing on my side..It had nothing to do with who I am or who they are..I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I could offend someone just by putting something down on a game we were playing..


I have worked really hard in my life to be more sensored and to keep my opinions and actions to myself.. But it always comes back to bite me if I say or do one small thing... I don't think I'm the same person I was when I was 30 or 20..I've grown a lot because of learning all these lessons in my life.. But I wish the lessons would stop.. I wish I could be myself around "the sensitive" friends...They are who they are and they are not apologizing for that, but why do I apologize for who I am? We all say or do things that aren't right, but I feel I get bitten a lot for what I say or do...


I just want my friends to know that I care deeply for each and every one of them..I need friends in  my life..I need someone to talk to and tell my troubles to..They can count on me for anything..My friendship is not just fling..It's a life long commitment. But can they do the same?